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Did you know? The oldest recorded bride was 102-year old Minnie Munro from Australia.
TakeawaysUnderstand the true meaning of a custom before incorporating it into your ceremony.Get inspired from local Asian stores and restaurants!Offer traditional Asian foods to your guests.Is it possible to have a modern “American style” wedding while still honoring ancient family customs and heritage? Yes it is, and even though it’s not always easy to blend the traditions of East and West to create a beautiful, personalized wedding, the results are well worth the effort. While American culture has clearly altered the fabric of an immigrant’s daily life, adding ethnic traditions to a wedding celebration is a great way to commemorate your unique heritage.
Today’s Asian-Americans may not agree with some ancient wedding customs, and won’t want to include them. The important thing to remember is that the ceremony is an expression of a couple’s tastes, wishes and dreams, and you should feel free to include or exclude elements in the way that is most meaningful. If the wedding is planned with that in mind, the day will be memorable for everyone whether the bride wears a white Western-style wedding gown and marches down the aisle to "Here Comes The Bride," or remains faithful to her ethnic dress and customs.
Learning about your ethnic traditions is an essential first step
To gracefully meld ancient Asian traditions with contemporary Western ones, it’s important to know all of your options and understand the meaning of the different customs. Some are easy to incorporate, while others have specific religious significance that shouldn’t be randomly added to a ceremony of a different faith. Some traditions may have been forsaken while others have survived for centuries although their underlying significance has changed.
Because second- and third-generation Asian Americans may not know all of their culture’s wedding customs, one of the best ways to learn about them is from family. Older relatives are an invaluable link to the past and can usually offer information not easily obtainable elsewhere. If your ancestors can’t provide all of the information you’re looking for, they might be able to point you in the right direction. Your parents may have included traditional elements in their own ceremony, and would feel honored that you wish to incorporate some of them into your wedding. Ask your families which customs are most important to them, and where you might compromise.
If you live in a city that has a Chinatown or Japantown neighborhood, these can be good places to explore for ideas. There, you might find invitations printed in red and gold that display the Chinese "double happiness" character, as well as ideas for Asian-themed wedding favors.
Be Open to Modifying Traditions
Some ancient Asian customs are impractical to include in a modern wedding, but might still be adapted to blend better with Western customs. In the book Wild Geese and Tea—An Asian American Wedding Planner, author Shu Shu Costa says that traditionally, a Korean groom gives a live goose to the bride’s family to show fidelity, but Asian Americans often give a wooden goose instead. A Japanese custom dictates that the bride fold 999 gold origami cranes and the groom folds 1 to symbolize their devotion to each other. If that seems too time-consuming, you can now buy the 1,000 cranes pre-folded and arranged in the shape of your family crest.
With their cultural taboo against public display of affection, some Asian Americans find it difficult to adapt to the American tradition of public kissing at the end of the wedding. Although Chinese Americans no longer arrange their child’s marriage, parents and family are often still honored in one of the most important cultural rituals, the ceremony of obligation. In this ceremony, the bride and groom kneel before each family member and offer tea in exchange for jewelry and "lucky money."
One of the simplest ways to add Asian elements to a wedding is with the food. Perhaps the rehearsal dinner could be a Chinese banquet, or the wedding reception could include traditional Asian foods, such as lo mein noodles (for long life), chicken (for wealth), and fortune cookies. Other ways to incorporate Asian elements into your ceremony are with culturally significant songs, music, prayers, and readings. So that all your guests will have a greater appreciation for the ethnic customs, it’s a good idea to include a page in the wedding program explaining their meaning.
Although white is a Chinese funeral color, many Asian Americans still opt for the “modern Western attire” of a white wedding dress for the bride and a tuxedo for the groom. However, you might also choose to wear ethnic clothing such as the traditional Chinese red silk dress, a gorgeous kimono, or sari. Many Asian Americans feel proud to wear the attire of their heritage, and recent immigrants now feel less pressure to eschew ethnic wedding garb. Sometimes both ethnic and American wedding outfits are included, such as wearing one for the wedding, and changing for the reception.
Spending adequate time to do your “homework” about your cultural customs will insure that no matter which elements you choose to incorporate, they won’t be viewed as tacky or inauthentic. As long as you understand and respect the significance of the traditions, you should feel free to adapt those that are meaningful and skip the rest. Above all else, remember that weddings are supposed to be enjoyable. If you plan your wedding with a celebratory attitude of fun, your guests (and you!) will have a wonderful time.
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